the lady in red

“I do not need anyone else’s permission but my own”

Okay, story time…a looong time ago when I was married I had this beautiful red skirt suit and I felt like a million dollars in it.  I had just had our first daughter and had lost all of the baby weight (and then some) and we were going to my husband’s company holiday party.  I wanted him to be proud of the way I looked so I asked him, “Hun, how do I look?”.  Without even glancing over at me he said, “If you have to ask me, then you shouldn’t wear it.  Go change if you don’t like it.”  Well, I was crushed!!!  He killed me! How could he care so little!!  Well, I looked in the mirror, felt good about what I saw…and changed anyway.  That entire evening I kicked myself for being such a coward. I’m bigger than this I was saying to myself.  I don’t need his or anyone else’s opinion!!  And I didn’t feel as good in what I was wearing. I learned a tough lesson that night (and I never asked him how I looked again.).   This lesson — across the board — took much longer to progress, but I have been expanding, and will continue to, as I age… gracefully.

Let’s keep that story in perspective…initially I had fun with it!

SO I HAD TO RETHINK IT A BIT! Okay, I do have a tendency to be a little extreme. Very simply put, be true to your heart.  If you need (need and want are two completely different things here and not to be confused) someone’s approval then you may want to step back and do some inner self-talk & work. Wanting feedback is different. It’s nice to get feedback, but if it’s different than you think —and you stay true to you — than rock on!

Back to “needing”…Inner self-talk, this is sometimes a hard thing to own up to!  Who me? Need self-talk?  No… I have it all together. I know what I need and want to feel good about me and feel fulfilled. So, let’s test that: If you ever ask your partner or spouse “how do I look?”, and you change depending on their answer, you need some inner work.  Sure, it’s nice that they “approve”,  but what if they don’t…would you wear it anyway because you liked it?  Hmm…. 

Just stop asking — and don’t laugh — but fake it till you believe it!!!  You didn’t always really believe that the earth was round when you heard it, but you figured what the heck, right?  Someone went to a lot of trouble to look into it, so, for now, I’ll just go with it. Weird analogy, but I think you get the point. This is logic that I started with and it sticks. I still use it today. 

If I feel I have to ask how I look, I’m not comfortable with MYSELF, and I need to change. It works every time. Trust your inner diva, ladies!! Now, this applies to more than simply fashion, but it was something I figured everyone would be able to identify with.   

When you either change on your own or stick with your first idea, revel in the realization that you just got one step stronger!!!  Stand strong on your own two feet, independently, and feel good about yourself — confident and secure.  And strut your stuff!!!  With grace of course…