the art of lovingly listening – my journey

A decade ago, a dear friend shared something his father taught him.  The concept ”talk therapy”.  It means having the ability to think out loud and hear yourself.  This is something I related to immediately.  For me, personally, it ties to my love language of “Quality Time” (& quality conversations) but that’s another topic completely!

I, naturally, rolled this concept into my work and expanded upon it.  To be able to think out loud & hear yourself is one thing, but knowing that someone will “hold the space” for you, listen with zero judgment of whatever you need to express, compassionately and patiently, with no attachment to when or how long it takes — that is quite the combination!

So some years ago, I was fascinated with the Catholic religion.  How they told the story, shared the messages every week, and their rituals — but there was something else about it. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.  I knew I wanted to experience faith as they did, but wasn’t exactly sure why at the time, so for two years I went from church to church experiencing Mass and listened and learned as each priest had their own way of sharing and communicating. Some of the younger priests had flair, and some of the older priests had the wisdom of the words in their Homily, but the procession of the service was the same everywhere.

Being new to the process, I found I had to really LISTEN to truly understand what some of them were saying and to be able to follow along.  I watched the congregation and how they moved along without thought. They had clearly been Catholic their entire lives and didn’t need to anticipate what came next, they already knew.  As the first year passed, I was impressed in how they shared the message and found a handful of churches I enjoyed attending and started to frequent them over the second year.  Through the second year, I noticed I was very attentive to each priest. I spoke with a few of these kind men and started to better understand what I was searching for.

A priest will sit with compassion and non-judgment for you and all you have to share, to allow you to feel loved, safe and secure in the knowing that your “secrets” are safe.  When you leave their presence you may feel a little lighter — and forgiven — with the ability to move forward.  He doesn’t need to know everything to understand, for he hears how you are sharing, as well as what you are not saying.

Over time, I found myself watching the congregation differently — studying their movements, how they were or were not paying attention, or their reaction{s} to what was being shared.  And those people that left early vs. those that stayed well past the service ended.  All of these behaviors shared potential stories within how they were handling their journey.

I began to realize that not only did I enjoy listening but that I gravitated to the BEAUTY that I found FROM listening.  As I attended each Mass, I was learning to listen and observe, learning how to listen differently and use more than my ears to do so.  I was learning the art of listening in a PURE WAY — with compassion and non-judgment.

And there is a patience that comes along with this gift that I realized and I am eternally grateful for.

Time is relative and each person’s growth, evolution, transformation {whatever term you are comfortable with} takes time. And it’s in this time that things need to happen in order for any change to stick. So to be able to listen patiently — holding space for someone to do what he or she needs to do to find their truest self — is so priceless.

After understanding, embracing and implementing this incredible listening lesson deeper into my passion for helping and guiding people, I followed my guidance once again and became Ordained.  I wasn’t sure how it was to fit, but trusted it would become clear in time. As the months passed, I started to perform wedding ceremonies.

This fulfilled a joy in me that I wasn’t aware existed; bringing two souls together, to see the vulnerability in their eyes as they look deep within the other’s soul and watch them melt — with the dream of forever in their hearts.  It’s magical.

And just as I trusted, the guidance became crystal clear!!  I was very quickly reminded…UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!  Life is all about unconditional love.

• Love is healing through the act of being unconditional.
• Love is personal to each of us — loving how you know or want to be loved.
• Unconditional love is being vulnerable and allowing vulnerability.
• Listening with unconditional love means truly hearing with an unbiased ear, guiding in a way that doesn’t push {but flows}, providing words that maybe don’t come easily to mind but are felt deeply within and just need an outisde nudge to bring them to the surface.
• Showing unconditional love in ways that make people feel safe to share their vulnerable self, enabling  the release of the old, opens the space for healing and growth.
• All of these things, along with compassion, non-judgment and patience are healing agents to helping people find comfort in the journey of living their truest path. This is lovingly listening…

There is a quote “love conquers all”. I’m not sure if conquer is the appropriate word. Triumph perhaps….or victorious. ”Love triumphs”.  “Love is victorious”.  How about “Love heals”. But I believe that unconditionally loving IS the key to it all.